Another Little Angel from Heaven Joins our Family
Dear Family and Friends,
One week after I had that conversation with Nancy, ( the third week in August), she called me from the hospital. She was crying hysterically. She said through racking sobs, "Cindy, I have just had a heart attack, I have to have a quadruple by-pass on my heart. Cindy, promise me you will take care of my girls if something happens, promise me!" Promise me you will not let them put Kasey in a rest home, promise me you will take care of Ellie. Promise me!" I couldn't believe the situations I find my self in. How come I always find myself so near those that need so much help?!?
I told Nancy, "Your going to live and be okay. I will do what I can if you don't make it through this, but surely you're going to be okay." I felt so bad for her, she was terrified! One week later I was in the kitchen and saw her drive into her drive way, she was coming home, she had lived through the ordeal. She walked into her house and my phone rang, it was Nancy.
She said, "Cindy, I have not changed my mind, I want you to raise Ellie." While I've been in the hospital my brother has decided he will take Kasey in, if I ever need him to, but he does not feel like he can take Ellie too. Please consider adopting Ellie. I have not and will not change my mind. I know that I am alive Cindy, but I can not care for Ellie like she deserves. My kidney's don't work, I am no where near qualified for a kidney transplant. Cindy, I can not raise her. I will not live to see her grow up."
I told her, "Nancy, I will not even talk about this until you are healed and back to normal. You have not had the proper amount of Oxygen in your blood for a very long time. You are going to be feeling so much better after you recover and you are getting the right amount of oxygen in your blood."
I told her I would most certainly pray about it but would make her no promises. We left it at that and I have never talked to her about it again. I hung up the phone with no intention of praying about it.
I knew I was not qualified to raise any more children. I didn't feel like I even needed to pray about it. I have been more consumed in repairing our firm than I can even describe.
From August 1 up to about two weeks ago I put 60 plus hour a week into the firm. Two weeks ago I called a dear friend of mine, Marilyn Stoner and said, "I can't believe this, I am finally to the point I don't have much more to do to repair this law firm. I have torn apart every department of the firm, put it back together again and have reports coming in from every department to be sure each area continues to run like I want it to." She said, "Surely you will never be done."
I said, "Yes I will, I'm starting to wonder what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Maybe I'll take that writing class in January that I've always wanted to take, or maybe I will go to nursing school after all."
With reports coming in from every department my life has slowed down significantly. A couple weeks ago I also hired a nanny for Ryan because I wasn't being as effective as I wanted to be at home or with the firm. It has put me in a very relaxed state. I am no where near as over whelmed as I was all these months. I find maintaining the books, marketing and Brett's social calendar in society is still a full time job, but a very fun and fulfilling job.
On Halloween day the wind started to blow really hard and the power lines were getting all wrapped up in our trees in the back yard and caused huge sparks. I called our landlord and the electrical company had our power turned off within the hour.
I worked two more hours until the battery on my lap top and phone both died. I stood up and thought, "I think I'll go see Nancy, I haven't even talked to her since she got out of the hospital weeks and weeks ago." I really was feeling bad I had not helped her more, but I didn't have a free hour in my life for service, I really had to focus on the firm for the first time in my life. I knew I had the time now and no excuses. I ended up sitting on her couch from 4pm-8 pm since I had no power to go home to.
Ryan and Ellie on Halloween day just after our power went out. Before that week I noticed he and Ellie were always more prone to play with each other than Ellie and Eathyn. At least that's what I observed the little I stopped to think about it. I now understand why.
Ellie is behind in her speech, her thought processes, and in every area at school. Brett and I feel she's closer to three or four years of age than she is to her actual age of 6 1/2. We're very curious to see where she'll be after a year of love, affection, attention and everything else that will come from not being in a home with a very, very sick momma. We also wonder if she has a touch of fetal alcohol syndrome.
She ended up taking Eathyn trick or treating with Ellie. I wasn't planning to take him again since we had taken him the week end before up at a huge fall fest at our Gatesville office.
Eathyn was thrilled Nancy had offered to take him trick- or- treating. To make the evening even more fun Nancy has a golf cart they all rode through the neighborhood on. My blood sugar was in a bad way from not eating for hours, or I may have gone along with Ryan too.
While I was over there those hours I noticed Nancy was not kidding, She could not provide Ellie with the life she needed. Nancy did have more energy with her repaired heart, but with no kidney function she could not even take care of her self, let alone a 6 year old.
That was the extent of my thought on that. In fact, it didn't cross my mind again until the following day when I was at the office working with Brett. We had gone in on a Saturday to get a whole bunch of much needed projects done at the firm. He and I had gotten into a little fight, we were both tired and were fighting in our own separate ways for the success of the firm. He had gone to his parents to pick up Eathyn and Ryan who had gotten tired of being at the firm with us. I told him to take his time so I could calm down. I could tell we were both just tired. While he was gone I finally stopped working and called Marilyn Stoner.
While I was on the phone with her she just happen to asked me how Nancy was doing. I told her about my thought I'd had the day before while sitting at Nancy's. I hadn't even gotten through the one sentence thought I'd had and something very unexpected happened, the spirit entered my heart with such force.
I can not explain what happened or how it made me feel. All I can say is. I will never forget what state it left my heart in. It would be impossible to forget because my heart has not been the same seince. I felt compassion and love and concern return to my heart like I had not felt since the day Mariela died. It took my breath away.
I told Marilyn something had just happened inside of me and I felt like I was Ellie's mother. I could barely talk, it was one of the most power experiences I've ever had in my life. It reminded me of the feeling I got when I knew I was suppose to be Mariela's mother.
It was just as strong and just as unforgettable. I know the Lord knows, if you are going to raise another woman's child, the feeling and impression has to be something you will never forget for even a moment while raising that child. I always joked with Marilyn and my mom, "if I am going to rescue Nancy, the Lord will have to hit me over the head before I agree to take on a responsibility like that." He didn't knock me over the head, he literally knocked the wind right out of me.
I had tried for three solid months to stay away from her because I didn't want to have anything to do with rescuing her and her children. It wasn't really difficult because I literally never even thought about them because I was so busy. Eathyn and Ryan had played outside with Ellie as often as I would let them but I had literally never even said two words to the little girl they had been so drawn to. She has a piercing squeal that would throw my fragile, stressed nerves into turmoil, so I really kept her as far away from the house as possible.
I told Brett what had happened when he got back to the office. He said, "Sounds like maybe we need to talk to Nancy." I told Marilyn when I was on the phone with her, "Maybe this is just an unusual case of PMS," and laughed it off.
The following day was Sunday, I knew by then the event the day before wasn't PMS. My children's voices sounded like music to my ears again. I'd not had those feelings in years, since Mariela's death. Her death truly broke me into a million pieces.
All this time I was putting one foot in front of the other and loving my children in the best way I could, without feeling the depth of love and compassion for them that I had most of their lives. I loved being a mother again!
With the feelings from the day before still on my mind, I texted Nancy and told her something had happened and I was ready to talk to her about Ellie. A couple hours later she texted me and said, "You're not going to believe this, my landlord just called and a house that is better suited for Kasey's disabilities has come available, we are moving away."
It was happening again, the Lord was moving more mountains for Ellie. Nancy and I both knew If I was to ever become Ellie's mom, one of us would have to move away so she could make the transition. We were scheduled to talk later that night after our kids were in bed.
About the time we were heading across the street, I got a text from Nancy's husband Allen. He was at the E.R with Nancy. It looked like she was having another heart attack. The hours turned into days until we talked again. I had no idea if she was alive or not.
On Wednesday, Ellie came over to play with the boys, as always I was back in my room working and told them to go outside and play. A few minutes later Ellie came in the room crying because Ryan had kicked her in the face. Her crying nearly broke my heart just as one of my own children's would have.
I recognized that feeling because I'd felt it a hundred other times over the years; when I was forced to listen to one of my children cry when they got immunization shots, or IV's put in their arms, or scared to death from a bad dream. Ellie's cry made my heart feel the exact same way.
I couldn't believe the effect this little child was having on me! I gave her a hug, calmed her down and sent her on her way to play again. A few minutes later she walked back into my room and said, "I wish I could just come sit by you." Oh my gosh! You would of thought I was looking at her for the first time after giving birth to her.
I said, "Okay, climb up here."
Then she said, "Can you fix my hair?"
Eathyn quickly said, "I'll do it Mom, I do it every day at school when it gets messed up." Sure enough, with no effort at all he took her rubber band and put her hair back up in a pony tail. My mouth dropped wide open, how did my 6 year old know how to maneuver a rubber band like that? This child not only loved this little girl, he adores her. How did I miss the kind of love he has for her? I texted Nancy and told her what had happened.
She said, "There's not a day that goes by when Ellie gets off the bus with the same hair style I send her to school with." She said, "I ask Ellie" 'Why does your hair always look so different when you get home from school?' and Ellie will say, 'Eathyn fixed it for me.' "
These two little six year olds who have been neighbors for 3 months, who are in the same kindergarten class, are kindred spirits and I didn't realize it until that very moment. He takes care of her all day long at school. I asked Ellie if they still sit by each other at school and she said yes. I had a really hard time believing that, so I asked Eathyn the same thing and he said, "No, we got moved a long time ago for talking." I laughed, that didn't surprise me.
Since that conversation, I have learned Ellie says yes to a lot of things that are clearly not really the case. Brett and I sense she's got some sort of learning delay, we just don't know to what extent yet.
While I was texting Nancy, I learned she had not had another heart attack, she actually still had fluid in her lungs and they couldn't figure out why. On Friday, Nancy texted me again and said, "I can't talk about this, it's going to be too hard on my heart, please just come get Ellie, lets make the change whenever you and Brett are ready."
After a few minutes of texting I heard her in my house. She had changed her mind, she wanted to talk about it face to face. She sat on my bed and we talked and cried. She loves Ellie so much, but she knows she needs to let her go.
I was going to become Ellie's mother. I told Nancy we could make the change the following night, we needed to get a bed set up for Ellie. We asked Ellie if she wanted to go on a walk with us as a family.
I noticed for the first time ever, this little girl was hispanic, that took me really off guard. How did I miss that all these months? I had truly been in my own little world. I thought to my self, " I wonder how old she is?" I knew she had repeated kindergarten, but I didn't know how old she was. I later found out she is 5 months older than Eathyn to the day. Her birthday is March 26, 2008.
I couldn't believe my eyes. I felt like I was walking down the street with Mariela if she had lived and could walk. What in the world was happening? This little girl was a gift to our family and a gift to Eathyn. He is so protective and so loving to her.
All I could do was shake my head in disbelief and pray the Lord would show up in all my times of need because raising another child was no small commitment and I knew I was going to need His help. But, after raising Mariela I knew the Lord would show up, often times before I would even have to ask for help.
The following day I was lost in prayer, we needed a bunk bed. The firm has just recently finally picked back up and I didn't really want to go spend that type of money.
I said a prayer and begged the Lord to please help me find a bunk bed, one that I could trade for Rebekah and Rachel's twin beds. I got done praying and decided to put a request out on Facebook for a trade. Within two minutes Nancy private messaged me and said, "I have a brand new set of bunk beds, why don't I take one of your girls beds from you and you take these bunk beds?" The problem was solved.
The rest of the day felt happier than Christmas morning has ever been for one of my kids. My children were getting a new sister and Brett and I were getting a new daughter. Ellie, Eathyn and Ryan worked all day long to move all her stuff across the street all by themselves. They were all three so excited! Undoubtedly, Ellie really has no clue how permanent all this fun is. There was a feeling of heaven in the air. Ellie was coming home, the home her Heavenly Father has always intended for her to have.
The first night she was at our home I bathed her and got her all ready for bed. Eathyn had separation anxiety from her while I was busy blow drying her hair so she didn't go to bed with wet hair. Eathyn came in and asked if he could finish blow drying and brushing her hair. It was so heart warming to see the bond between the two of them.
This will be Ellie's third home. She was taken away from her birth mother at 18 months old because she was stoned 24 hours a day, then Nancy rescued her from her birth father who was also neglecting her when she was 3 years old. Now after two years of Nancy praying for help because she can not care for her with her bad health, Ellie is finally home. And let me tell you what, she is an angel.
She is truly beautiful inside and out and I am so thankful I have the rest of her life to teach her that. She has now been in our home two days. My biggest immediate concern was getting her to adjust to a normal sleep schedule. At home with Nancy, she sleeps where ever she crashes, usually on the living room floor next to Nancy. Nancy sleeps on her couch 24 hours a day, 365 days a year by all of her medical equipment. The tv is on 24 hours a day. Those facts were going to be a challenge to over come.
The first night after laying in bed for an hour, Ellie started to bawl heart wrenching sobs, she missed her mommy. I scooped her into my arms and carried her across the street into Nancy's arms.
Once again, I knew she was truly my daughter, I could hardly pull myself away from that house, but I new in my heart she needed to be with her mommy at that moment to help her transition. She slept there that first night with Nancy.
After spending all day with us yesterday, after family prayer and songs, Brett tucked her into bed, told her some bed time stories and went back in to check on her a few minutes later and she was fast asleep. Oh my goodness that melted our hearts. She was adjusting.
She occasionally asks if she can go check on her mommy, but not as often as I'd expect. She has felt right at home and a part of the family from the moment she walked in to her new bedroom. Her mommy was still across the street for 4-5 days after she moved into our house. It was perfect for a nice slow transition for her. Little Ellie has been needing a mommy for a very long time. Nancy has been so sick for so long.
Ellie has not gotten the love, affection, attention and patience a little child needs for a very long time with her mommy being as sick as she is. She feels at home. I can only describe it as Glorious! There's been a feeling of heaven in our home.
Ellie has now been in our home for one week. Every other day has been difficult. She comes to us with a totally different set of genes and personality than I have ever dealt with in the past. But, as expected I am seeing miracles all the way through this transition. More to come...
This story all began when Austin attended EFY in San Antonio, Texas in July of this year. He came home from a week of feeling the spirit stronger than he ever had in his life. He said, "Mom and Dad I'm not going back to Temple High School! I've always hated the environment and I'm not going back!"
We knew he was serious in light of the fact he was giving up his varsity football position at a 5A high school. He was not going to be the starting quarter back but he was on the varsity team. With my help and support, he went over to the junior college here in town, passed the entrance exam and signed up for college. When his dad got home from work that night Brett said, "How would you feel about going to Academy High School instead".
Austin liked that idea immediately. He was having a hard time imagining never touching a football again. Brett and I had never uprooted our family for our children's lack of interest in Temple High School, but we knew if we were going to keep Austin in High School for his last two years, this is what we were going to have to do and we didn't mind. It was for a righteous purpose and it just felt right. Brett and I had never experienced anything like it before, the thought of moving to Academy crossed our mind with quite-a-bit of urgency.
We knew he was serious in light of the fact he was giving up his varsity football position at a 5A high school. He was not going to be the starting quarter back but he was on the varsity team. With my help and support, he went over to the junior college here in town, passed the entrance exam and signed up for college. When his dad got home from work that night Brett said, "How would you feel about going to Academy High School instead".
Austin liked that idea immediately. He was having a hard time imagining never touching a football again. Brett and I had never uprooted our family for our children's lack of interest in Temple High School, but we knew if we were going to keep Austin in High School for his last two years, this is what we were going to have to do and we didn't mind. It was for a righteous purpose and it just felt right. Brett and I had never experienced anything like it before, the thought of moving to Academy crossed our mind with quite-a-bit of urgency.
The next morning Brett and Austin jumped in the car to go out and meet the coaches at Academy High School. While they were out there, Brett found the only house that was for rent in the whole town. We haven't rented in years and years, we own two homes and we were now actually looking at a house to rent.
It all felt so unusual but so right. We could tell we were on the cusp of an adventure that was being led by the Lord. We knew the feeling well and knew this was just the beginning of a wonderful phase of our life.
Within the hour I met Brett out at the little rental house. The landlord was suppose to show it to someone else an hour later. She agreed to show it to us first.
We walked in and I laughed out loud. The landlord must of thought I was a spoiled brat. The house was 1,300 square feet, had brown paneling on the walls throughout the whole house and three very tiny bedrooms with long, green, shag carpet. The only other room was a kitchen, living and dining room, that was all in one.
I couldn't believe my ears when I heard myself say, "It's perfect!" We went out to the car, we knew we had to pray about it and make a decision on the spot. Someone else was going to come look at it and would most likely rent it.
I remember thinking how thankful I was that I had stayed close to the Lord over the years and knew how to recognize an answer to my prayers. We bowed our heads right there in the car and asked Heavenly Father if this was the right move for our family. (It was happening so fast!)
I was so thankful Austin was with us to witness what it was like to include the Lord in such a decision. We got through praying and Brett and I decided we felt nothing but feelings of peace and assurance that this was the right move for our little family.
We filled out the application and gave it to the landlord. As I was getting back in the car I saw a lady sitting across the street on her porch. She looked so familiar. I walked towards her and said, "How do I know you?" She said, "I'm Nancy, I use to work at 7-11 by your house in Temple." As I flew into her arms I said, "Oh my GOSH! Nancy, we have missed you!!! Our family loves you so much!!!" I knew the feelings were mutual. She loved us as much as we loved her.
We had made many trips to 7-11 to get slurpees with our kids while she worked there. Then one day she was gone and we truly missed our little friend at 7-11. I said goodbye to her and headed home to wait for the landlord to call with a decision about our application.
Within the hour she called and said, "Your application looks great, you can move in." We were so excited. I immediately got on craigslist and put our house up for rent. I have never been able to rent that house for more than $1,100 a month. I had the crazy idea to ask for $1,300 and hit send.
Within 5 minutes I got a call and rented our house! Austin looked stunned. With a smile he said, "Oh...this is what it's like when the Lord is guiding your life." We were moving to Academy and the thought was not even 24 hours old.
The family that rented our house had been in Bell County for three days looking for a house to rent and had not been successful, they gave up and went back to Houston.
That morning she said she got up and told her husband, "We need to go back to Bell County one more time." They got in the car and started driving, as her husband drove she got on her phone and pulled up craigslist.
She said there was only one house that was highlighted on her phone, and that was our ad. She'd looked at all the other houses earlier in the week. The spirit was working so strongly in her life.
The Lord was moving mountains to make sure we ended up in Academy, Texas. Austin was more and more speechless the further we got into this experience. He was feeling a very special, personal relationship beginning to develop in his life with his Father In Heaven. For the first time in his life, he knew with out a doubt his Heavenly Father was aware of him, and knew him personally. Brett and I felt privileged to be witnessing something so special for him.
While all this was transpiring, Rachel was flipping out! She had worked so hard the previous year to make friends at school. She felt like we were tearing her world apart. She thought we were only moving for Austin and was highly offended. I tried to explain to her this was not just about Austin. She wouldn't believe me. I told her she was going to love her new school and assured her I felt like this was going to be a great move for everyone.
We moved to Academy at a very inopportune time for every other area of our life. I started working full time at Brett's office, moved to Academy, opened, painted and decorated a second office in Gatesville, fired our office manager, got a new phone system, and a new data system, all in the same week!
Brett and I questioned our sanity in making such huge decisions all at one time, but we quickly felt confidence in all our decisions and knew we were headed in the right direction, even with all the bumps in our road.
A
Austin was blessed to become Academy High's starting quarter back. Unfortunately, the first game of the season he got a concussion. He didn't realize that's what it was so he didn't say anything to anyone.
A week later he got a second concussion at practice. Again, he didn't realize that's what it was and didn't tell anyone. The third game of the season he got a third concussion that finally did him in. By half time he wasn't functioning correctly and they took his helmet away. He was done playing for the season.
All the students K-12 go to the high school on Friday mornings for a pep rally, before that night's football game. Rachel and Eathyn got to cheer for their big brother as he walked into the room with the whole foot ball team. It truly was magical for all three of them.
Then one day it all ended, Austin got hurt and life returned to normal for them. Austin said, "Mom, I thought my opportunity with the football team was clearly the reason we moved to Academy." I said, "Austin, sometimes its hard to understand what the Lords thinking when he's not sitting in the same room to talk to.
I know we are suppose to be living here, someday we will understand why we moved out here and felt the Lord so close to us through the whole experience."
He and Rachel felt deflated. Rachel, Eathyn and Austin were having the time of their life. It was instant popularity for all three of them.
I hated it, I told them that type of happiness was fleeting and to not let it go to their heads because it could all end in a split second. I reminded them almost daily to find their worth in their divine nature, not in Austins football position.
I noticed they worked very hard to take my advice, but it was a challenge for them. Rachel had standing ovations in her class rooms at the Junior High because her brother was the star quarter back. I was rolling my eyes the whole time.
There are a lot of things I love about living in this small town. The kids can all walk to school because we live so close, there is one stop light, two little restaurants, a donut shop, a dollar general and two gas stations. What else does someone need to be happy? It's perfect for our little family. We take breath-taking walks along side of wide, open Texas fields, the sunsets are beautiful and the stars are brighter at night than my kids have ever seen before.
I believe we finally understand why we were led to Academy Texas. In the second week of August, just shortly after we moved to Academy, Nancy, our friend across the street called me over to her house and asked me to sit with her on her porch.
She said, "Cindy, I want to tell you something that may sound very strange to you, but it's the honest truth." Two and a half years ago I went into Kidney failure and I thought I was going to die. I was in a state of panic because I didn't know what was going to happen to my girls."
At that time her daughter Ellie was 4 and her handicap daughter Cassie was 22. She went on to say, "I remember laying there in the hospital thinking how I wish I could find you and Brett to ask you if you would adopt my girls.
You are truly the first people I thought of. There's no one else in this world I would rather have raise my girls than you and Brett. You are truly the best parents I have ever known. Your children radiate that in the way they act.
With wonder in her voice she said, "I can't believe you have just moved in across the Street from me!" We had not seen Nancy in four years, since she quit her job at 7-11. I laughed and said, "I think that's one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. Thank you for that sweet compliment."
I walked away that afternoon feeling very, very relieved she had lived through that and we were not asked to raise her children. I truly felt so far away from such a calling.
I was buried in work up to my ears. I was consumed in trying to rebuild our law firm. I spent 70-80 hours a week working long, exhausting hours rebuilding every department of the firm. Plus on top of all that, the part of me that would raise another mother's child was buried along with Mariela in a cemetary out in Salado. Watching her die had left a hole in my heart that literally took with it any love and compassion I have ever known. I have felt like a different person since she died. That phase of my life was over, or so I thought....
It all felt so unusual but so right. We could tell we were on the cusp of an adventure that was being led by the Lord. We knew the feeling well and knew this was just the beginning of a wonderful phase of our life.
Within the hour I met Brett out at the little rental house. The landlord was suppose to show it to someone else an hour later. She agreed to show it to us first.
We walked in and I laughed out loud. The landlord must of thought I was a spoiled brat. The house was 1,300 square feet, had brown paneling on the walls throughout the whole house and three very tiny bedrooms with long, green, shag carpet. The only other room was a kitchen, living and dining room, that was all in one.
I couldn't believe my ears when I heard myself say, "It's perfect!" We went out to the car, we knew we had to pray about it and make a decision on the spot. Someone else was going to come look at it and would most likely rent it.
I remember thinking how thankful I was that I had stayed close to the Lord over the years and knew how to recognize an answer to my prayers. We bowed our heads right there in the car and asked Heavenly Father if this was the right move for our family. (It was happening so fast!)
I was so thankful Austin was with us to witness what it was like to include the Lord in such a decision. We got through praying and Brett and I decided we felt nothing but feelings of peace and assurance that this was the right move for our little family.
We filled out the application and gave it to the landlord. As I was getting back in the car I saw a lady sitting across the street on her porch. She looked so familiar. I walked towards her and said, "How do I know you?" She said, "I'm Nancy, I use to work at 7-11 by your house in Temple." As I flew into her arms I said, "Oh my GOSH! Nancy, we have missed you!!! Our family loves you so much!!!" I knew the feelings were mutual. She loved us as much as we loved her.
We had made many trips to 7-11 to get slurpees with our kids while she worked there. Then one day she was gone and we truly missed our little friend at 7-11. I said goodbye to her and headed home to wait for the landlord to call with a decision about our application.
Within the hour she called and said, "Your application looks great, you can move in." We were so excited. I immediately got on craigslist and put our house up for rent. I have never been able to rent that house for more than $1,100 a month. I had the crazy idea to ask for $1,300 and hit send.
Within 5 minutes I got a call and rented our house! Austin looked stunned. With a smile he said, "Oh...this is what it's like when the Lord is guiding your life." We were moving to Academy and the thought was not even 24 hours old.
The family that rented our house had been in Bell County for three days looking for a house to rent and had not been successful, they gave up and went back to Houston.
That morning she said she got up and told her husband, "We need to go back to Bell County one more time." They got in the car and started driving, as her husband drove she got on her phone and pulled up craigslist.
She said there was only one house that was highlighted on her phone, and that was our ad. She'd looked at all the other houses earlier in the week. The spirit was working so strongly in her life.
The Lord was moving mountains to make sure we ended up in Academy, Texas. Austin was more and more speechless the further we got into this experience. He was feeling a very special, personal relationship beginning to develop in his life with his Father In Heaven. For the first time in his life, he knew with out a doubt his Heavenly Father was aware of him, and knew him personally. Brett and I felt privileged to be witnessing something so special for him.
While all this was transpiring, Rachel was flipping out! She had worked so hard the previous year to make friends at school. She felt like we were tearing her world apart. She thought we were only moving for Austin and was highly offended. I tried to explain to her this was not just about Austin. She wouldn't believe me. I told her she was going to love her new school and assured her I felt like this was going to be a great move for everyone.
We moved to Academy at a very inopportune time for every other area of our life. I started working full time at Brett's office, moved to Academy, opened, painted and decorated a second office in Gatesville, fired our office manager, got a new phone system, and a new data system, all in the same week!
Brett and I questioned our sanity in making such huge decisions all at one time, but we quickly felt confidence in all our decisions and knew we were headed in the right direction, even with all the bumps in our road.
First Day of School Pictures
AAustin was blessed to become Academy High's starting quarter back. Unfortunately, the first game of the season he got a concussion. He didn't realize that's what it was so he didn't say anything to anyone.
A week later he got a second concussion at practice. Again, he didn't realize that's what it was and didn't tell anyone. The third game of the season he got a third concussion that finally did him in. By half time he wasn't functioning correctly and they took his helmet away. He was done playing for the season.
All the students K-12 go to the high school on Friday mornings for a pep rally, before that night's football game. Rachel and Eathyn got to cheer for their big brother as he walked into the room with the whole foot ball team. It truly was magical for all three of them.
Then one day it all ended, Austin got hurt and life returned to normal for them. Austin said, "Mom, I thought my opportunity with the football team was clearly the reason we moved to Academy." I said, "Austin, sometimes its hard to understand what the Lords thinking when he's not sitting in the same room to talk to.
I know we are suppose to be living here, someday we will understand why we moved out here and felt the Lord so close to us through the whole experience."
Austin and Rachel Getting Ready For the First Pep-Rally of the Season
First Pep Rally of the Season,
I only went to the first pep rally to take pictures of our kids. It was a cool experience to see all three of them thriving so quickly in this small little town. It was a fun hour for all of us!
Eathyn and Ellie at the first pep rally together back in the first week of school
Rachel and Ryan, uhhh it looks like Ryan combed his own hair that morning. And I apparently failed to redo it.
Austin's Short Football Season as Academy High's Varsity Quarterback
I hated it, I told them that type of happiness was fleeting and to not let it go to their heads because it could all end in a split second. I reminded them almost daily to find their worth in their divine nature, not in Austins football position.
I noticed they worked very hard to take my advice, but it was a challenge for them. Rachel had standing ovations in her class rooms at the Junior High because her brother was the star quarter back. I was rolling my eyes the whole time.
The Sunrise out my Kitchen Window
There are a lot of things I love about living in this small town. The kids can all walk to school because we live so close, there is one stop light, two little restaurants, a donut shop, a dollar general and two gas stations. What else does someone need to be happy? It's perfect for our little family. We take breath-taking walks along side of wide, open Texas fields, the sunsets are beautiful and the stars are brighter at night than my kids have ever seen before.
A long horn Brett and I saw when we were out on a Sunday drive together
I believe we finally understand why we were led to Academy Texas. In the second week of August, just shortly after we moved to Academy, Nancy, our friend across the street called me over to her house and asked me to sit with her on her porch.
She said, "Cindy, I want to tell you something that may sound very strange to you, but it's the honest truth." Two and a half years ago I went into Kidney failure and I thought I was going to die. I was in a state of panic because I didn't know what was going to happen to my girls."
At that time her daughter Ellie was 4 and her handicap daughter Cassie was 22. She went on to say, "I remember laying there in the hospital thinking how I wish I could find you and Brett to ask you if you would adopt my girls.
You are truly the first people I thought of. There's no one else in this world I would rather have raise my girls than you and Brett. You are truly the best parents I have ever known. Your children radiate that in the way they act.
With wonder in her voice she said, "I can't believe you have just moved in across the Street from me!" We had not seen Nancy in four years, since she quit her job at 7-11. I laughed and said, "I think that's one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. Thank you for that sweet compliment."
I walked away that afternoon feeling very, very relieved she had lived through that and we were not asked to raise her children. I truly felt so far away from such a calling.
I was buried in work up to my ears. I was consumed in trying to rebuild our law firm. I spent 70-80 hours a week working long, exhausting hours rebuilding every department of the firm. Plus on top of all that, the part of me that would raise another mother's child was buried along with Mariela in a cemetary out in Salado. Watching her die had left a hole in my heart that literally took with it any love and compassion I have ever known. I have felt like a different person since she died. That phase of my life was over, or so I thought....
One week after I had that conversation with Nancy, ( the third week in August), she called me from the hospital. She was crying hysterically. She said through racking sobs, "Cindy, I have just had a heart attack, I have to have a quadruple by-pass on my heart. Cindy, promise me you will take care of my girls if something happens, promise me!" Promise me you will not let them put Kasey in a rest home, promise me you will take care of Ellie. Promise me!" I couldn't believe the situations I find my self in. How come I always find myself so near those that need so much help?!?
I told Nancy, "Your going to live and be okay. I will do what I can if you don't make it through this, but surely you're going to be okay." I felt so bad for her, she was terrified! One week later I was in the kitchen and saw her drive into her drive way, she was coming home, she had lived through the ordeal. She walked into her house and my phone rang, it was Nancy.
She said, "Cindy, I have not changed my mind, I want you to raise Ellie." While I've been in the hospital my brother has decided he will take Kasey in, if I ever need him to, but he does not feel like he can take Ellie too. Please consider adopting Ellie. I have not and will not change my mind. I know that I am alive Cindy, but I can not care for Ellie like she deserves. My kidney's don't work, I am no where near qualified for a kidney transplant. Cindy, I can not raise her. I will not live to see her grow up."
I told her, "Nancy, I will not even talk about this until you are healed and back to normal. You have not had the proper amount of Oxygen in your blood for a very long time. You are going to be feeling so much better after you recover and you are getting the right amount of oxygen in your blood."
I told her I would most certainly pray about it but would make her no promises. We left it at that and I have never talked to her about it again. I hung up the phone with no intention of praying about it.
I knew I was not qualified to raise any more children. I didn't feel like I even needed to pray about it. I have been more consumed in repairing our firm than I can even describe.
From August 1 up to about two weeks ago I put 60 plus hour a week into the firm. Two weeks ago I called a dear friend of mine, Marilyn Stoner and said, "I can't believe this, I am finally to the point I don't have much more to do to repair this law firm. I have torn apart every department of the firm, put it back together again and have reports coming in from every department to be sure each area continues to run like I want it to." She said, "Surely you will never be done."
I said, "Yes I will, I'm starting to wonder what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Maybe I'll take that writing class in January that I've always wanted to take, or maybe I will go to nursing school after all."
With reports coming in from every department my life has slowed down significantly. A couple weeks ago I also hired a nanny for Ryan because I wasn't being as effective as I wanted to be at home or with the firm. It has put me in a very relaxed state. I am no where near as over whelmed as I was all these months. I find maintaining the books, marketing and Brett's social calendar in society is still a full time job, but a very fun and fulfilling job.
On Halloween day the wind started to blow really hard and the power lines were getting all wrapped up in our trees in the back yard and caused huge sparks. I called our landlord and the electrical company had our power turned off within the hour.
I worked two more hours until the battery on my lap top and phone both died. I stood up and thought, "I think I'll go see Nancy, I haven't even talked to her since she got out of the hospital weeks and weeks ago." I really was feeling bad I had not helped her more, but I didn't have a free hour in my life for service, I really had to focus on the firm for the first time in my life. I knew I had the time now and no excuses. I ended up sitting on her couch from 4pm-8 pm since I had no power to go home to.
Ryan and Ellie on Halloween day just after our power went out. Before that week I noticed he and Ellie were always more prone to play with each other than Ellie and Eathyn. At least that's what I observed the little I stopped to think about it. I now understand why.
Ellie is behind in her speech, her thought processes, and in every area at school. Brett and I feel she's closer to three or four years of age than she is to her actual age of 6 1/2. We're very curious to see where she'll be after a year of love, affection, attention and everything else that will come from not being in a home with a very, very sick momma. We also wonder if she has a touch of fetal alcohol syndrome.
Ellie and Nancy in the back ground
Eathyn, Ellie and Nancy
Nancy and Eathyn
Eathyn and Ellie
She ended up taking Eathyn trick or treating with Ellie. I wasn't planning to take him again since we had taken him the week end before up at a huge fall fest at our Gatesville office.
Court House right across the street from our Gatesville office
Eathyn was thrilled Nancy had offered to take him trick- or- treating. To make the evening even more fun Nancy has a golf cart they all rode through the neighborhood on. My blood sugar was in a bad way from not eating for hours, or I may have gone along with Ryan too.
While I was over there those hours I noticed Nancy was not kidding, She could not provide Ellie with the life she needed. Nancy did have more energy with her repaired heart, but with no kidney function she could not even take care of her self, let alone a 6 year old.
That was the extent of my thought on that. In fact, it didn't cross my mind again until the following day when I was at the office working with Brett. We had gone in on a Saturday to get a whole bunch of much needed projects done at the firm. He and I had gotten into a little fight, we were both tired and were fighting in our own separate ways for the success of the firm. He had gone to his parents to pick up Eathyn and Ryan who had gotten tired of being at the firm with us. I told him to take his time so I could calm down. I could tell we were both just tired. While he was gone I finally stopped working and called Marilyn Stoner.
While I was on the phone with her she just happen to asked me how Nancy was doing. I told her about my thought I'd had the day before while sitting at Nancy's. I hadn't even gotten through the one sentence thought I'd had and something very unexpected happened, the spirit entered my heart with such force.
I can not explain what happened or how it made me feel. All I can say is. I will never forget what state it left my heart in. It would be impossible to forget because my heart has not been the same seince. I felt compassion and love and concern return to my heart like I had not felt since the day Mariela died. It took my breath away.
I told Marilyn something had just happened inside of me and I felt like I was Ellie's mother. I could barely talk, it was one of the most power experiences I've ever had in my life. It reminded me of the feeling I got when I knew I was suppose to be Mariela's mother.
It was just as strong and just as unforgettable. I know the Lord knows, if you are going to raise another woman's child, the feeling and impression has to be something you will never forget for even a moment while raising that child. I always joked with Marilyn and my mom, "if I am going to rescue Nancy, the Lord will have to hit me over the head before I agree to take on a responsibility like that." He didn't knock me over the head, he literally knocked the wind right out of me.
I had tried for three solid months to stay away from her because I didn't want to have anything to do with rescuing her and her children. It wasn't really difficult because I literally never even thought about them because I was so busy. Eathyn and Ryan had played outside with Ellie as often as I would let them but I had literally never even said two words to the little girl they had been so drawn to. She has a piercing squeal that would throw my fragile, stressed nerves into turmoil, so I really kept her as far away from the house as possible.
I told Brett what had happened when he got back to the office. He said, "Sounds like maybe we need to talk to Nancy." I told Marilyn when I was on the phone with her, "Maybe this is just an unusual case of PMS," and laughed it off.
The following day was Sunday, I knew by then the event the day before wasn't PMS. My children's voices sounded like music to my ears again. I'd not had those feelings in years, since Mariela's death. Her death truly broke me into a million pieces.
All this time I was putting one foot in front of the other and loving my children in the best way I could, without feeling the depth of love and compassion for them that I had most of their lives. I loved being a mother again!
With the feelings from the day before still on my mind, I texted Nancy and told her something had happened and I was ready to talk to her about Ellie. A couple hours later she texted me and said, "You're not going to believe this, my landlord just called and a house that is better suited for Kasey's disabilities has come available, we are moving away."
It was happening again, the Lord was moving more mountains for Ellie. Nancy and I both knew If I was to ever become Ellie's mom, one of us would have to move away so she could make the transition. We were scheduled to talk later that night after our kids were in bed.
About the time we were heading across the street, I got a text from Nancy's husband Allen. He was at the E.R with Nancy. It looked like she was having another heart attack. The hours turned into days until we talked again. I had no idea if she was alive or not.
On Wednesday, Ellie came over to play with the boys, as always I was back in my room working and told them to go outside and play. A few minutes later Ellie came in the room crying because Ryan had kicked her in the face. Her crying nearly broke my heart just as one of my own children's would have.
I recognized that feeling because I'd felt it a hundred other times over the years; when I was forced to listen to one of my children cry when they got immunization shots, or IV's put in their arms, or scared to death from a bad dream. Ellie's cry made my heart feel the exact same way.
I couldn't believe the effect this little child was having on me! I gave her a hug, calmed her down and sent her on her way to play again. A few minutes later she walked back into my room and said, "I wish I could just come sit by you." Oh my gosh! You would of thought I was looking at her for the first time after giving birth to her.
I said, "Okay, climb up here."
Then she said, "Can you fix my hair?"
Eathyn quickly said, "I'll do it Mom, I do it every day at school when it gets messed up." Sure enough, with no effort at all he took her rubber band and put her hair back up in a pony tail. My mouth dropped wide open, how did my 6 year old know how to maneuver a rubber band like that? This child not only loved this little girl, he adores her. How did I miss the kind of love he has for her? I texted Nancy and told her what had happened.
She said, "There's not a day that goes by when Ellie gets off the bus with the same hair style I send her to school with." She said, "I ask Ellie" 'Why does your hair always look so different when you get home from school?' and Ellie will say, 'Eathyn fixed it for me.' "
These two little six year olds who have been neighbors for 3 months, who are in the same kindergarten class, are kindred spirits and I didn't realize it until that very moment. He takes care of her all day long at school. I asked Ellie if they still sit by each other at school and she said yes. I had a really hard time believing that, so I asked Eathyn the same thing and he said, "No, we got moved a long time ago for talking." I laughed, that didn't surprise me.
Since that conversation, I have learned Ellie says yes to a lot of things that are clearly not really the case. Brett and I sense she's got some sort of learning delay, we just don't know to what extent yet.
While I was texting Nancy, I learned she had not had another heart attack, she actually still had fluid in her lungs and they couldn't figure out why. On Friday, Nancy texted me again and said, "I can't talk about this, it's going to be too hard on my heart, please just come get Ellie, lets make the change whenever you and Brett are ready."
After a few minutes of texting I heard her in my house. She had changed her mind, she wanted to talk about it face to face. She sat on my bed and we talked and cried. She loves Ellie so much, but she knows she needs to let her go.
I was going to become Ellie's mother. I told Nancy we could make the change the following night, we needed to get a bed set up for Ellie. We asked Ellie if she wanted to go on a walk with us as a family.
I noticed for the first time ever, this little girl was hispanic, that took me really off guard. How did I miss that all these months? I had truly been in my own little world. I thought to my self, " I wonder how old she is?" I knew she had repeated kindergarten, but I didn't know how old she was. I later found out she is 5 months older than Eathyn to the day. Her birthday is March 26, 2008.
I couldn't believe my eyes. I felt like I was walking down the street with Mariela if she had lived and could walk. What in the world was happening? This little girl was a gift to our family and a gift to Eathyn. He is so protective and so loving to her.
All I could do was shake my head in disbelief and pray the Lord would show up in all my times of need because raising another child was no small commitment and I knew I was going to need His help. But, after raising Mariela I knew the Lord would show up, often times before I would even have to ask for help.
The following day I was lost in prayer, we needed a bunk bed. The firm has just recently finally picked back up and I didn't really want to go spend that type of money.
I said a prayer and begged the Lord to please help me find a bunk bed, one that I could trade for Rebekah and Rachel's twin beds. I got done praying and decided to put a request out on Facebook for a trade. Within two minutes Nancy private messaged me and said, "I have a brand new set of bunk beds, why don't I take one of your girls beds from you and you take these bunk beds?" The problem was solved.
The rest of the day felt happier than Christmas morning has ever been for one of my kids. My children were getting a new sister and Brett and I were getting a new daughter. Ellie, Eathyn and Ryan worked all day long to move all her stuff across the street all by themselves. They were all three so excited! Undoubtedly, Ellie really has no clue how permanent all this fun is. There was a feeling of heaven in the air. Ellie was coming home, the home her Heavenly Father has always intended for her to have.
Eathyn, Ryan and Ellie Moving everything across the street, Ellie's parents were also moving out of their house that day as well.
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| Having lunch together after moving all Ellie's belongings to our house |
The first night she was at our home I bathed her and got her all ready for bed. Eathyn had separation anxiety from her while I was busy blow drying her hair so she didn't go to bed with wet hair. Eathyn came in and asked if he could finish blow drying and brushing her hair. It was so heart warming to see the bond between the two of them.
This will be Ellie's third home. She was taken away from her birth mother at 18 months old because she was stoned 24 hours a day, then Nancy rescued her from her birth father who was also neglecting her when she was 3 years old. Now after two years of Nancy praying for help because she can not care for her with her bad health, Ellie is finally home. And let me tell you what, she is an angel.
She is truly beautiful inside and out and I am so thankful I have the rest of her life to teach her that. She has now been in our home two days. My biggest immediate concern was getting her to adjust to a normal sleep schedule. At home with Nancy, she sleeps where ever she crashes, usually on the living room floor next to Nancy. Nancy sleeps on her couch 24 hours a day, 365 days a year by all of her medical equipment. The tv is on 24 hours a day. Those facts were going to be a challenge to over come.
The first night after laying in bed for an hour, Ellie started to bawl heart wrenching sobs, she missed her mommy. I scooped her into my arms and carried her across the street into Nancy's arms.
Once again, I knew she was truly my daughter, I could hardly pull myself away from that house, but I new in my heart she needed to be with her mommy at that moment to help her transition. She slept there that first night with Nancy.
After spending all day with us yesterday, after family prayer and songs, Brett tucked her into bed, told her some bed time stories and went back in to check on her a few minutes later and she was fast asleep. Oh my goodness that melted our hearts. She was adjusting.
She occasionally asks if she can go check on her mommy, but not as often as I'd expect. She has felt right at home and a part of the family from the moment she walked in to her new bedroom. Her mommy was still across the street for 4-5 days after she moved into our house. It was perfect for a nice slow transition for her. Little Ellie has been needing a mommy for a very long time. Nancy has been so sick for so long.
Ellie has not gotten the love, affection, attention and patience a little child needs for a very long time with her mommy being as sick as she is. She feels at home. I can only describe it as Glorious! There's been a feeling of heaven in our home.
Ellie has now been in our home for one week. Every other day has been difficult. She comes to us with a totally different set of genes and personality than I have ever dealt with in the past. But, as expected I am seeing miracles all the way through this transition. More to come...
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