Rebekah's Departure to Peru
Rebekah left for Peru yesterday. I had no idea the bond I had with her until she walked away and got on that plane. As the day progressed and she got further and further and further away, my heart started to ache more and more.
Of course I knew how close her and I have always been, but I had no idea the magnitude of emotion and sadness I would feel in her absence. Just about the time she was landing in Peru, I honestly didn't think I could handle the pain any more. All I could do was lay there and cry. How could I possibly get use to being so far away from her?
The distance from her after 18 years of closeness is physically more difficult and consuming than I ever expected. She arrived at 12:50am Peru time, which is 11:50pm Texas time. My anxiety was worse than I've ever experienced while I waited to hear she had gotten through the airport in a foreign country, through customs and into the hands of these perfect strangers, who will be supporting her while she's in Peru.
Again, more sadness and fear than I thought I could bare. Her host family called to inform me that her plane had landed and they were just waiting for her to come outside. During the hour while I waited to hear she had finally found them, I was trying to figure out what the temperature was that she would be walking her sick little self into.
I was ridiculously relieved to see it was currently 72 degrees in Lima Peru. That eased my anxiety some while I continued to lay there and wait to hear she had finally found the correct people, who would then take her home.
Last night at dinner I started to feel very bitter with her absence across the table. At that moment, I would not suggest becoming a parent, I just didn't know if it was worth the pain of loosing them. I am still struggling to understand God's purpose in all this.
I carry each of these children for nine months, take care of them for 18 years, then one day they just take flight into the wind and then, they're gone. My beautiful little family is being ripped apart one at a time. I have lost 3 children and my father in less than 2 years. That is alot of pain for one person to handle.
All morning I have been lost in fervent prayer, begging the Lord to help me through this transition. I have absolutely loved being a mother, every single day the last 20 years. I do not want to continue to loose them one at a time until this close knit little family is completely pulled apart in 7 different directions. How I pray they will all have the desire to come together again and everyone live near each other, so their bonds can continue to grow.
When Mariela died, then Mare moved away, I literally felt my heart rip in three pieces while they both took a piece of my heart with them. Then, my dad died. The very man that made me feel loved more than anyone else on this earth. Then Brandon left and now Rebekah.
I would never change this situation and bring Rebekah home from Peru, even if I could. I guess that's what loving someone unconditionally does to someone. I know she wants to be there with all her heart. I just wish that knowledge would ease my pain in her absence.
Of course I knew how close her and I have always been, but I had no idea the magnitude of emotion and sadness I would feel in her absence. Just about the time she was landing in Peru, I honestly didn't think I could handle the pain any more. All I could do was lay there and cry. How could I possibly get use to being so far away from her?
The distance from her after 18 years of closeness is physically more difficult and consuming than I ever expected. She arrived at 12:50am Peru time, which is 11:50pm Texas time. My anxiety was worse than I've ever experienced while I waited to hear she had gotten through the airport in a foreign country, through customs and into the hands of these perfect strangers, who will be supporting her while she's in Peru.
Again, more sadness and fear than I thought I could bare. Her host family called to inform me that her plane had landed and they were just waiting for her to come outside. During the hour while I waited to hear she had finally found them, I was trying to figure out what the temperature was that she would be walking her sick little self into.
I was ridiculously relieved to see it was currently 72 degrees in Lima Peru. That eased my anxiety some while I continued to lay there and wait to hear she had finally found the correct people, who would then take her home.
Last night at dinner I started to feel very bitter with her absence across the table. At that moment, I would not suggest becoming a parent, I just didn't know if it was worth the pain of loosing them. I am still struggling to understand God's purpose in all this.
I carry each of these children for nine months, take care of them for 18 years, then one day they just take flight into the wind and then, they're gone. My beautiful little family is being ripped apart one at a time. I have lost 3 children and my father in less than 2 years. That is alot of pain for one person to handle.
All morning I have been lost in fervent prayer, begging the Lord to help me through this transition. I have absolutely loved being a mother, every single day the last 20 years. I do not want to continue to loose them one at a time until this close knit little family is completely pulled apart in 7 different directions. How I pray they will all have the desire to come together again and everyone live near each other, so their bonds can continue to grow.
When Mariela died, then Mare moved away, I literally felt my heart rip in three pieces while they both took a piece of my heart with them. Then, my dad died. The very man that made me feel loved more than anyone else on this earth. Then Brandon left and now Rebekah.
I would never change this situation and bring Rebekah home from Peru, even if I could. I guess that's what loving someone unconditionally does to someone. I know she wants to be there with all her heart. I just wish that knowledge would ease my pain in her absence.
