While I was writing a letter to Brandon this last week,  I found I was still in the throws of grieving and missing my three children who are absent from our home.  As I wrote him, some much needed understanding started to fall into place for me. I realized the beauty of the process of life for the first time sense Mariela died. It felt so refreshing to feel the spirit prick my heart and give me some help to cross the bridge to a new level of understanding and acceptance. I have prayed during almost every quiet moment since Rebekah left, for acceptance of this new phase of my life. I have thrown 100 percent of my heart into raising my children. After Rebekah left, her absence on top of Brandon and Mariela's was just too much to bare. I realized how vulnerable I was caring so much for my children. I wanted to withdraw that vulnerability

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