MIRACLES 2017
Cindy Pritchard-3/26/17
I am super excited to start this section of our blog. I have been facing the darkest time of my life these last five years, since your sister Mariela died.
It started with the devastation and destruction that was done to my heart when I watched her deteriorate and eventually take her last breath. Then, two weeks later, we lost dads judge campaign that we had given everything we had finanacially and physically.
Then, our business went bankrupt. Then, without time for my heart to even begin to heal from all the loss already listed, I lost my dad. He died just 18 months after Mariela. To increase my heart ache even more, the same week we took my dad off life support, Brandon left on his mission.
Then, three months later, I put my first and oldest daughter on a plane to Peru. I have never before or since felt more terrified as I was when I was waiting to hear she had arrived safely in the care of perfect strangers.
That experience was the final straw. I was officially and completely depleted of any strength. That was all too much heart ache for one little heart, in such a short amount of time. I remember well how the stress and grief were consuming me.
Around that same time, your dad and I went to Austin for the weekend. We were both in a world of hurt from so much stress. I was craving alcohol so much. I was craving the relief of having something numb my pain.
Your dad could not relate. He never craved alcohol like I have our whole married life. I was just moments away from ordering my first glass of alcohol, but I didn't. I continued to fight the craving and addiction that I have had my whole life.
After that, I continued to take in other people's children, even though I had nothing left to give, because I had the gift to give. But, one day, I ran out of anything more to give to other people's children too.
I was broken and exhausted to the very worst extreme. I decided I was done with that phase of my life, and I have not taken in any more children since. I was sitting in the car, out front of our house on sunshine, and I got the impression it was time to take care of my self, instead of other peoples children. I knew that was now a thing of the past, because was not able to take care of my own children or myself.
Backing up just a bit, In the 18 months following Mariela's death I was unable to feel the spirit without it intensifying my grief and my heart ache. I learned really quickly, the love I felt for her felt exactly like the warm blanket the spirit feels like.
So, feeling the spirit intensified my feelings of grief that came after watching her die. Feeling the spirit made me miss her more than I could bare. The fact I could no longer, comfortably, feel the spirit devastated my life more than anything else had.
As a defense mechanism, I started avoiding feeling the spirit. I could not physically and spiritually handle the way it devastated my life, for even one more day. I knew the day I made the conscious decision to stay away from the spirit, was a very momentous day of my life. I knew I was taking an eternal risk that could and would effect generations to come. But, I could not see any other options.
The grief in my life was taking over all my senses. To say I was drowning was a very serious understatement. It was not until this week that I realized a great deal of why feeling the spirit is also hard on me, is because It produces intense feelings of anger towards God for not rescuing me through these deep, devastating trials. I have all but walked away from God, because the feelings of the spirit stopped rescuing me like it had my whole life in the years previous to Marielas death.
It's now been 3 1/2 years since I made the choice to stay away from the spirit. In the last three and a half years I have clung to every miracle I have ever witnessed in my life. It has been the memories of those miracles that have saved my life.
The memories of those miracles, I have witnessed in my life, have forced me to not leave the path where the iron rod is located. Have I been able to hold onto the rod without the spirit in my life? Absolutely not! But the memories of the miracles, I have witnessed, have stood as a testimony that there is a God in Heaven, even if I do not and can not access the spirit in my life at this time. The memories of the many miracles, I have witnessed all my life, have given my testimony roots that have kept me near the rod of iron.
Since the day I made a conscious choice to stay away from the spirit, your dad has also went through a mid-life-crisis. As you all know, In that crisis he started drinking medicinal levels of alcohol. I remember baring my testimony the day after her started drinking. He was in Houston where he had run away from his life. I knew he had drank the night before.
The choice he made to drink alcohol broke my weary little heart even more than it already was. I stood and bore my testimony at Church as the spirit was bearing witness to me that we would make it through this trial together. The spirit was so strong as I bore my testimony, I was shaking violently. I scared countless people that came up to me afterwards to see if I was okay.
The spirit shook me to my core. I knew I was on the brink of a very difficult trial with your dad, but, something beautiful had happened; the spirit testified so strongly to me that we would be okay.
I am super excited to start this section of our blog. I have been facing the darkest time of my life these last five years, since your sister Mariela died.
It started with the devastation and destruction that was done to my heart when I watched her deteriorate and eventually take her last breath. Then, two weeks later, we lost dads judge campaign that we had given everything we had finanacially and physically.
Then, our business went bankrupt. Then, without time for my heart to even begin to heal from all the loss already listed, I lost my dad. He died just 18 months after Mariela. To increase my heart ache even more, the same week we took my dad off life support, Brandon left on his mission.
Then, three months later, I put my first and oldest daughter on a plane to Peru. I have never before or since felt more terrified as I was when I was waiting to hear she had arrived safely in the care of perfect strangers.
That experience was the final straw. I was officially and completely depleted of any strength. That was all too much heart ache for one little heart, in such a short amount of time. I remember well how the stress and grief were consuming me.
Around that same time, your dad and I went to Austin for the weekend. We were both in a world of hurt from so much stress. I was craving alcohol so much. I was craving the relief of having something numb my pain.
Your dad could not relate. He never craved alcohol like I have our whole married life. I was just moments away from ordering my first glass of alcohol, but I didn't. I continued to fight the craving and addiction that I have had my whole life.
After that, I continued to take in other people's children, even though I had nothing left to give, because I had the gift to give. But, one day, I ran out of anything more to give to other people's children too.
I was broken and exhausted to the very worst extreme. I decided I was done with that phase of my life, and I have not taken in any more children since. I was sitting in the car, out front of our house on sunshine, and I got the impression it was time to take care of my self, instead of other peoples children. I knew that was now a thing of the past, because was not able to take care of my own children or myself.
Backing up just a bit, In the 18 months following Mariela's death I was unable to feel the spirit without it intensifying my grief and my heart ache. I learned really quickly, the love I felt for her felt exactly like the warm blanket the spirit feels like.
So, feeling the spirit intensified my feelings of grief that came after watching her die. Feeling the spirit made me miss her more than I could bare. The fact I could no longer, comfortably, feel the spirit devastated my life more than anything else had.
As a defense mechanism, I started avoiding feeling the spirit. I could not physically and spiritually handle the way it devastated my life, for even one more day. I knew the day I made the conscious decision to stay away from the spirit, was a very momentous day of my life. I knew I was taking an eternal risk that could and would effect generations to come. But, I could not see any other options.
The grief in my life was taking over all my senses. To say I was drowning was a very serious understatement. It was not until this week that I realized a great deal of why feeling the spirit is also hard on me, is because It produces intense feelings of anger towards God for not rescuing me through these deep, devastating trials. I have all but walked away from God, because the feelings of the spirit stopped rescuing me like it had my whole life in the years previous to Marielas death.
It's now been 3 1/2 years since I made the choice to stay away from the spirit. In the last three and a half years I have clung to every miracle I have ever witnessed in my life. It has been the memories of those miracles that have saved my life.
The memories of those miracles, I have witnessed in my life, have forced me to not leave the path where the iron rod is located. Have I been able to hold onto the rod without the spirit in my life? Absolutely not! But the memories of the miracles, I have witnessed, have stood as a testimony that there is a God in Heaven, even if I do not and can not access the spirit in my life at this time. The memories of the many miracles, I have witnessed all my life, have given my testimony roots that have kept me near the rod of iron.
Since the day I made a conscious choice to stay away from the spirit, your dad has also went through a mid-life-crisis. As you all know, In that crisis he started drinking medicinal levels of alcohol. I remember baring my testimony the day after her started drinking. He was in Houston where he had run away from his life. I knew he had drank the night before.
The choice he made to drink alcohol broke my weary little heart even more than it already was. I stood and bore my testimony at Church as the spirit was bearing witness to me that we would make it through this trial together. The spirit was so strong as I bore my testimony, I was shaking violently. I scared countless people that came up to me afterwards to see if I was okay.
The spirit shook me to my core. I knew I was on the brink of a very difficult trial with your dad, but, something beautiful had happened; the spirit testified so strongly to me that we would be okay.
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