Happy Mother's Day, Mom

Dear Mom,

Most recently I have thought a lot about your role in my life as my mother.  Shortly after Mariela died I realized one of the best ways to ease my grief was to find something that would taste good, feel good and something that would bring me happiness.  Being in the middle of Brett's campaign did not bring much of a chance to experience anything that was positive.  I felt trapped in a world I didn't know how to get out of.  The grief was all consuming.  I realized all I wanted to do was escape this whole situation.  There was not  a part of me that wanted to be a mother or wife any longer.  I wanted to get relief from the grief but the only way to do that was to pray or do something that brought a positive feeling with no heavy responsibility.  Praying was difficult because I felt so far away from the Holy Ghost due to the grief that blanketed my heart and there wasn't even a moment of time to do something that was enjoyable due to the time crunch we were under with his campaign.  I realized the only way I'd make it through this time was to put my self in automatic mode like I'd seen you do throughout my life.  Come what may, you always took care of our family and home.  You were so good at consistently doing what was necessary to care for our family.  The second reason you have been on my mind  a lot lately is like I mentioned, I couldn't feel the Holy Ghost.  I have been further away from the spirit most recently, than I have ever been in my life.  I am not use to maneuvering through my day with out a great portion of the spirit.  Grief covers all sense of anything that's peaceful.  I found I had two choices.  I could give up and give into the thoughts I had about alcohol, going inactive, abandoning my marriage and family that seemed so appealing at the time.  Or I could just keep doing what I knew was right in the very depth of my soul because  I'd seen you live the gospel to perfection my whole life.  I knew how to live without even thinking about it.  I saw you consistently live the teachings of the gospel every moment of my life.  It was engrained in me.  That has been a priceless gift to me this last month.  Because I am also a mother I connected with you like I never have before.  I knew my mother believed it with a quiet simpleness.  I knew I just had to press forward until the grief was able to lift, and then, the "light would come." Thank you so much Mom for giving me these two gifts that have helped me make it through the roughest time in my life.  I knew I just had to keep moving forward like I'd seen you do day after day as I was growing up.  I thought about that daily.  Your example of quiet and simple strength kept me moving in the right direction.  The grief has not lifted completely but I have a peace of mind knowing I didn't give up.  I was so blessed to have your life and testimony as my focus.  Thank you so much for being so strong over the years.  I will forever be eternally grateful that you are my mother.  I knew if my mom could do it, so could I.  I love you! Happy Mother's Day

P.S. I wrote the above letter before church this morning.  Austin was the youth speaker.  His talk about mothers was so sweet.  Something he said really touched me and made me realize how truly, lucky I am.  Mom I want you to know you are passing down your legacy even to my children.  Austin said, "I am so thankful my mom goes to church and lives the gospel!  I want to attend church and be active in the church just like her." How sensitive he was to notice something so significant at such an early age.  It's by our example that we can teach the greatest lessons in this life and you have always been so good at that.! Thank you Mom, I love you!

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